the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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