omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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