Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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