Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
