what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
