You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
