I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
