My Higher Power is John Stamos
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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