guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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