I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
