my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize