We won't sleep together?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
