im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
