shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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