so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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