We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
