I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
