pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am one with the molecules
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
