How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
