Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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