My balls are so social today.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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