We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
