im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
