I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
