Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
