Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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