What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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