It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
