with your own penis?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
