You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
