Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pooping to opera.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
