to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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