i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
