Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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