At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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