you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize