a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
