it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
