new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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