I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
