we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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