I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
