We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
