remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
