My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
