I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
