Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You can't special order awesome
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
