I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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