I want to walk on stilts...naked
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
