I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
