you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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