No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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