I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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