The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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