She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
