I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
