I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
