we're blogging at a bar
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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