i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
