Will you blow on my dice?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize