Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize