I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
