She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
