I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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