I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
