In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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