do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
