I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
