My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
