There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
