Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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