You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
