I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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