Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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