its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
