Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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