I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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