i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
