Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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