my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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